Absurdalne strachy…

Taki wpis o niczym, a mimo wszystko. Co zaprząta głowę, niekoniecznie znudzonej mamie, z drugim łobuzem w drodze. Oprócz myśli typu, byle był zdrowy, jaki będzie w ogóle? Plącze się szereg takich, które w jakimś stopniu porównują go do starszego „idealnego” J.

Im bliżej dnia, kiedy będzie nas 2+2 tym więcej myśli i skupienia nad J. Moje dziecko bardzo przeżywa to, że zostanie starszym bratem. Mam wrażenie, że ma zaplanowane kąpanie, karmienie, usypianie i wspólne zabawy oczywiście przez pryzmat samego siebie. Natomiast ja sama coraz bardziej obawiam się momentu powrotu z drugim. Zastanawiam się jak to będzie. Obecnie jest sielankowo, bo jakże zasypywana milionem buziaków, przytulaków i innych takich za chwilę może tego zabraknąć. Jak młody zareaguje faktycznie na fizyczne zjawienie się drugiego? Przecież siłą rzeczy będę poświęcała mu mniej, z i tak okrojonego czasu. Zmienią się codzienne rytuały, których nie jestem w stanie już teraz „przekręcać”. A co jak będzie zazdrosny? Pewnie i tak będzie, ale jak da się to wszystko ogarnąć, żeby nie zaburzyć jemu tej wyidealizowanej wizji braterstwa. Żeby nie czuł się odtrącony, mniej ważny itd. Miałam już z nim parę sytuacji, gdzie pokazywał jak mocno potrafi być zazdrosny… nie polecam. Dlatego rozmyślam jak ustrzec siebie, jego i rodzinę przed niepotrzebnymi napięciami i frustracjami.

W sumie wszelkie moje wyobrażenia spędzania tych kilku ostatnich miesięcy razem legły w gruzach. Wydawało mi się, że im dłużej będziemy we dwoje, będziemy się bawili, wygłupiali, uczyli, gotowali, sprzątali, krzyczeli i walczyli, to on w jakiś tam sposób… hmm jakby to ująć, no cóż myślałam, że „przeje mu” się mamusia, efekt- totalnie odwrotny. Jakby mógł wszedłby mi na głowę i tam sobie siedział. Podkreślę, że absolutnie mi to nie przeszkadza, wręcz przeciwnie, to jest jak nałóg, moje dziecko jest nałogiem:). Nawet jak drugi daje popalić to J. mnie głaszcze po brzuszku, głowie, mówi „położysz się, przykryję cie kocykiem i zrobimy herbatkę” więc w gorszych chwilach mój 3latek jest opiekuńczy itd.

Jedyne co wymyśliłam to robić dalej wszystko z nim, łącznie z przygotowaniem ich kącika zabaw, wyborem mebelków itd. Niech ma w tym też swój udział. Poza tym ktoś, niestety wyleciało mi z głowy kto to był, poradził mi prezent dla J. od małego braciszka, po powrocie do domu. Ciekawa jestem jak wiele z mam kolejnych dzieci ma takie myśli, skąd one się biorą i jak radzicie sobie z podobnymi sytuacjami. Uczyli nas tego na studiach? Chyba ten dział ominęłam…

To chyba hormony tak działają, że małe, „nietypowe” problemy zaprzątają głowę  przyszłym mamom…

84 thoughts on “Absurdalne strachy…

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